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Is Your Vibrator Causing You To Lose Sensation In Your Vulva?

August 7, 2018

Short answer: no.

Long answer:

I learned to be ashamed of masturbation at a young age. Not in the way that young people overall feel uncomfortable about sex and sexuality, but in the way that girls (and later, women) are particularly told that they cannot be sexual beings.

Whenever masturbation came up, I noticed how proudly and humorously boys were able to speak on the topic. On the other hand, other girls behaved as though it was an untouchable subject. When I admitted that it was something I enjoyed, my friends snickered and gave me a side eye. Later, someone spilled the beans to another classmate and she shouted how dirty I was as her school bus drove away — although, she had detention for the week so who really lost?

In retrospect, I had nothing to be ashamed of. It’s crazy to imagine that women and girls are stigmatized for any kind of sexuality, even when it’s personal. How many times do we see the “dirty sock” trope on television, where a mom is doing laundry and discovers that her son’s socks are all crusty once he hits puberty? On the other hand, how often do we see similar humor when female characters hit puberty?

Our culture teaches girls and women that the less sexual they are, the more self-respect they have. We learn lies about our bodies — from narratives that stigmatize penetration because vaginas can be ‘stretched out’ to the myth that a girl is ‘no longer a virgin’ if she uses tampons. Many of us have heard vaginas compared to hallways and tunnels more than referred to as actual body parts. And we’re even taught that vaginas can become desensitized or broken if they’re used too much.

Thus, the idea of masturbation can be terrifying. It becomes a way in which we are perceived as less desirable, less pure. It is another form of sex that we are not allowed to own. I remember the overwhelming guilt I used to feel when I masturbated in high school and even early college. I recall taking breaks in case my self-pleasure meant that I wouldn’t be marriage material later on. And it’s sad how many women have learned that sexuality is for someone else, first and foremost. It’s sad that we spend our whole life preparing to be vessels for male desire and not to be independently sexual beings.

Part of the work in correcting this is having conversations about female sexuality, talking about all of the weird things we believe about female bodies. So no, vaginas can’t be stretched out — not by other human beings, not by toys. You also can’t lose feeling in your clitoris from using a vibrator too much! Who started that myth? Someone who felt emasculated by a partner using sex toys?

And most importantly, masturbation is a healthy, normal part of growing up. It’s a healthy aspect of an adult sexuality. It’s a way for people to learn their own likes and dislikes, to explore their body without risk, and to be in control of their own pleasure. It’s empowering AF to be a woman with a vibrator.

Bellesa, a platform I have consistently written for in the past year, also sells dildos, vibrators, and other sex toys. Like me, they’re on a mission to destigmatize female sexuality! YOU CAN CHECK OUT THEIR ENTIRE BOUTIQUE HERE. And if you’re interested in 10% off, use the code GABALEXA10 at checkout!

You can also check out other essays I’ve written about female sexuality, bodies, and stigma.

For the I Am Woman Project:
Vaginal Shame Is Real And It Can Really Impact Your Health
Is It Surprising That Women Like This Kind Of Porn?
The Orgasm Gap — Just Like The Pay Gap, But With Sex

For Bellesa:
Student Calls for a ‘Bracott’ After Teachers Said To Put Band-Aids On Her Nipples
Gabriela Herstik Talks Using Witchcraft As A Tool For Sexual Healing
The Difference Between Objectification and Women’s Empowerment

For Galore:
We Need To Stop Using ‘Self-Respect’ As An Excuse For Slut Shaming
6 Common Vagina Myths Debunked


hi, thank you for sticking with me during my lengthy blog hiatus! While this space has been an area to discuss web development, social media strategy, and more, I’ll be talking more about identity, sexuality, and similar topics moving forward. you can view my full writing portfolio at gabriellenoel.contently.com.

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CONTACT ME

For any writing inquiries, brand collaboration, or speaking/hosting, you can find me at gabby [a] gabriellealexa.com!

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